Spoon-Feeding a Big Baby their Medicine

It’s important to state a few things up front.

First, if a person of privilege does or says something racist or sexist out of hatred, they have created a hostile environment that anyone in their right mind would and should call out and be offended by and are right in reacting with equal hostility. Their reactions are their reactions, and to try to tell them they are wrong in their reactions is at best deflectionary, and at worst an overt attempt to subjugate them and dominate them from the position of power. The only thing that is wrong is the initial sentiment that sparked the reaction in this exchange.

Second, it’s not a person of lower privilege’s job to educate the person of privilege on what they said was wrong or terrible. We are the people of privilege. We have the means to open a book, use our brains, or even use Google. People of lower privilege are not exotic creatures to be studied; they are people.

Third, if a person of lower privilege tells you that what you said is racist, sexist, whatever, you should just shut up and listen. You are a person of privilege. How can you possibly tell someone who is being oppressed that they are not being oppressed. Sure, there are exceptions here. In all my research, I could only find one.

Man uses the term Black Hole

Here is a hint: you are not ever going to be in a situation like this. Shut up and listen.

Taking into account everything previously mentioned, if you say something ignorant one of three things will happen:

1. You get called on it. Someone tells you in a matter of fact way what you just said was ignorant. You sincerely apologize, and perhaps ask for further clarification. This is the best-case scenario. Here is a real life example- Once I used the term Mulatto to describe someone of mixed race. Someone told me what I said was racist and explained Mulatto translated roughly to half-breed and that I shouldn’t use it. I apologized and never used the term again.
2. You get called on it. Someone tells you off, you get defensive, they storm out of the room, or you storm out of the room (and the white people go running after ) Real life example- I once said that dressing up in blackface for Halloween was not offensive ( I was a fucking idiot, clearly). Someone took offense and called me on it. I told them that it wasn’t offensive and they were being oversensitive. They got madder. They left.
3. No one says anything, either because of fear or group ignorance.

If you say something stupid, you deserve nothing more than reaction number 2. Someone throwing the hostility of the situation you had just created back into your face. Reaction number 3 happens too often, and reactions number 1 is yet another example of privileged people’s privilege.

People of lower privilege, I am sorry that something else to worry about is being tossed on your plate. There are times when you will have to strongly consider reaction 1. I’m not talking about some asshole you hear on the bus, but someday, someone you really care about is going to say something ignorant, and they will be unable to respond to anything but spoon-fed medicine.

It sucks and I am so sorry.

-Ken